Critmas 2k6

Christmas this year was awesome. We had Christmas with the Hollands on December 18. And we celebrated Christmas day with the Zimmerman clan on Christmas Day.

I was slightly disappointed to learn that the gift from my folks had not arrived in time for the Christmas Celebration, but that is cool. I figured my folks have a pretty good track record when it comes to really good gifts, that I could wait a little while.

Christo, Becky, and Taylor gave me The Office season 1 on DVD. (the u.s. version of The Office.) They also gave me the Langhorne Slim CD, When the Sun's Gone Down. I truly love it and since putting it in my mp3 player 2 weeks ago, i think i have listened to it about 15 times. LOVE THAT CD. (My only gripe about the cd is that the songs are too short. every song on it could be at least a minute longer.) On the song Loretta Lee Jones, Langhorne Slim mentions Lucy the elephant, from Margate N.J. I thought that was pretty cool and it brought a smile to my face to hear that line.

Reen and Mark got us silverware which we desperately needed. Our old collection of silverware was a hodge podge collection of utentsils with few matching designs. Our utensil drawer looked like a knife/fork/spoon representation of the United Nations. Sure, they are all utensils, and they all want to acheive a common goal, but they just don't look the same. When Amy asked Maureen how she knew we needed utensils, Maureen replied "I've eaten at your house." Touche.

After round one of gift giving, I had to say that Christo was in the lead for best gift yet. But there were still a lot of contenders eyeing the prestegious title of "BEST GIFT OF THE YEAR" award.

Joe and Tammy sent a package that we opened on Christmas Eve before going up to Shamokin. They got me a totally kick-ass Hard Rock Cafe Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. Yeah... I'm digging that shirt.

After round two, i am thinking that Joe may have moved into the lead.

Before cruising to Shamokin, we went up to Reading to see my folks. Well, they had my gift for me. They got me a new book by Woody Guthrie called Artworks. 335 pages of art by Woody. And, the icing on the cake, the book is signed by Nora Guthrie, Woody's daughter and director of the Woody Guthrie Archives. This book was well worth the wait.

After round three, Christo and Joe have been KO'd. Only Amy, Mom Z, and Fiona have a chance to take home the prize now.

Christmas Eve in Shamokin was spent riding four-wheelers with my nephew Randy and my brother-in-law, Jeff. We had a lot of fun riding around the coal banks of Shamokin. When I got back from riding, I was HORIFIED to learn that Amy had left my Christmas gifts in Lititz. No big deal, she brought Fiona's gifts, and that is really all that mattered.

On Christmas morning, I recieved the one gift amy did bring along - a really warm fleece bathrobe.

After 4 rounds, Mom and Dad are still in the lead. But Amy has gifts waiting for me at home!

We had a wonderful day at Mom Z's. Fiona loved opening her gifts and she seemed to really enjoy handing out the gifts as well. Someone told me that Christmas is a thousand times better when you have a kid of your own to share it with, and i have to say that is absolutely true. Fiona was so happy all day Christmas. She got a play barn with some little horses and cows. She played with that all morning. Mom Z made a wonderful Christmas turkey with all the fixings. There was plenty of cookies and treats. It was a truly wonderful day.

We got home to Lititz around 7:30 and I was given the rest of my gifts. Amy got me MacGyver season 3 on DVD - awesome. 22 more episodes of my favorite show of all time... only now that I am older and not as willing to suspend my disbelief, i find the show to be increadibly cheesy and impossible to make sense of. Half of the crap he does would never ever work. Never. BUT, that is what I love about it also. It is just fun to watch. And Connor loves it, so I can watch it with him and remember how much I loved it when I was younger. Amy also got me the new Born To Run box set. The box set comes with a dvd of Bruce's first concert in England. I am really looking forward to clearing out a little patch of time and watching it.

Fiona got me a book called You are My Miracle by Maryann Cusimano Love. I love it because it reminds me so much of me and Fiona. All of the pictures in it are of Christmas scenes, but i am thinking Fiona and I will be reading this book all year long. A lot of times when I am reading to her, she will try and flip the pages and turn ahead to the back of the book, but when I am reading You are my Miracle she just looks at the pictures.

Amy's generosity with the DVD and the Bruce Juice put her close to the top for the prize, but Fiona edged her out with the book. The book Fiona got for me was truly a gift that I will cherish forever. I am confident that for years to come I will be reading this book to Fiona.

At the end of 5 rounds, Mom & Dad and Fiona are both reaching for the brass ring. And when it comes down to it, I think I am going to give the prize to my precious darling angel. Fiona's book was the first gift I have received in years that brought a tear to my eye. Reading it with her for the first time on Christmas night was so special and is something I will remember for years to come.

Congratulations, Fiona, you are the Queen of Christmas. I hope you are able to also take home the Queen of Mike's Birthday prize as well.

King Kong - not my favorite movie of all time

Jason and I went to see King Kong and I was grossly disappointed.

My main complaints will be directed at Peter Jackson and the managers of the Fox movie theater.

The Fox movie theater ruined the first 50 minutes of the movie by allowing an infant into the theater. I left the theater to get a manager to come in and kick the people out. Which they did after about 15 more minutes of hearing the kid periodically cry and whine and moan. Question: what kind of stupid idiot brings an infant to a 3-hour movie that you know is going to be super-freaking loud???? Follow up question: why does the theater allow infants into the theater??? Let me guess... $$$$$??

Here is what I thought about the movie:

First and foremost I will start with the positives.

Jack Black was really awesome as the filmmaker. I am hoping that this is his first step in taking his acting to a more serious role. JB is hilarious and his constant buffoonery is hilarious, but he also seems to have the ability to do dramatic roles. The naysayers will nay say and say nay to the idea that he will be anything but a jokester who can't tackle acting like an adult. To which I will reply, "Tom Hanks." Tom Hanks was the king of buffoons ­Bosom Buddies, Bachelor Party, and The Money Pit. Now he is king of the serious actors with two best actor Oscars.

The Girl in the movie was very pretty.

The special effects were stunning. And the computer-generated animation was really neat.

Now I will get to all the crap that bugged me.

TOO FREAKING LONG.
3 hours, most of which was close up shots of the aforementioned pretty girl. I love close up shots of pretty girls, but when literally 20 minutes of the movie is spent on her, and on her and Kong looking lovingly into each other's eyes, it gets a little tired. Peter Jackson could have edited about 45 minutes of this movie and still had the same end results.

THE FIGHT SCENES
The fight scenes were way too long and drawn out. I know that fight scenes are always drawn out in all kinds of movies, and I just can't stand it. Whether is it Obi-Wan vs. Anakin, or King Kong vs. 3 T-Rex's, I can not stand long drawn-out fight scenes. And here is why: YOU KNOW BEFORE HAND WHO IS GOING TO WIN. Obviously, there is no way in heck that the t-rexes are going to kill King Kong. That would make for a very short and anti-climatic movie. Furthermore, you know that the girl is not going to be killed for the same reason. Duh!

THE DINOSAURS
When all the dinosaurs were chasing them, and the velicioraptors came out, all I could think was "yeah, I hated this movie the first time I saw it when it was called 'Jurassic Park.'"

WILLING SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF
I am willing to explore the coexistence of fantasy and reality. In this movie, we are expected to believe that there is an island and giant apes, and dinosaurs and human-sized yellow jackets. And we are expected to believe that mere humans, just like you and me, go to the island. The only things that exist outside the realm of reality are uncharted prehistoric island, the dinosaurs, King Kong and the other creatures that live on the island. Everything else is real, i.e. the depression, cars, humans, prohibition, etc etc etc. I am willing to suspend my disbelief IF some semblance of reality is maintained. Example: I am willing to accept for entertainment purposes that there is an uncharted island in the middle of the ocean. AND I am willing to believe that there are dinosaurs and 25' tall 2-ton gorillas living on the island. AND I am willing to believe that this gorilla is captured and brought back to New York City and subsequently goes on a rampage in the city etc. etc. etc.

I am not willing to accept that basic laws of nature including (1) the structural integrity of human bones and joints, (2) man's ability to run over uneven terrain in a rain forest environment, (3) a young woman's ability to run over uneven terrain in a rainforest environment WITH NO SHOES ON, (4) her ability to climb an out-side ladder to the top of the Empire State Building in a skirt and high heels and (5) her ability to stand unassited atop the Empire State Building because of the shear wind force at 1250'.

ITEM 1 - THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF HUMAN BONES AND JOINTS Fantasy - the giant ape carries the young woman through the jungle (I am okay with that.) and he RUNS through the jungle jostling her about like a rag doll and he fights 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexes tossing her from hand to hand and often holding and carrying her with his feet. (I am not okay with that). In reality her neck would have been snapped a dozen times, her arms would have been broken, her knees would have snapped and I am fairly positive dozens of her tendons would have ripped.

Giant Apes and dinosaurs clearly exist OUTSIDE the realm of reality, BUT the young woman in the movie is supposed to exist within the realm of reality. She is not a superhero or strong woman who can withstand the constant jarring and shaking of a 2-ton gorilla. I mean he shakes her like he’s a British nanny for twenty minutes and she has no neck pain?? There are plenty of lawyers who will tell you that a rear-end collision of less than 5 miles-per-hour would cause sustained neck damage.

ITEM 2 - MAN'S ABILITY TO RUN OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN IN A RAIN FOREST ENVRIONMENT
The adventurers in the movie are running from the dinosaurs and are able to run at all-out sprints over wet jagged rocks without slipping or falling. Anyone who has done any hiking or low-grade mounting climbing knows how hard it is to keep your footing on uneven terrain. The situation is further complicated when the ground is wet. Those guys would have been slipping and sliding falling all over the place like an octogenarian on a hockey rink.

ITEM 3 - A YOUNG WOMAN'S ABILITY TO RUN OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN IN A RAINFOREST ENVIRONMENT WITH NO SHOES ON
See above, but add the fact that she has no shoes on. Her feet would have been ripped to shreds like the accounting records at Enron and I am willing to bet her ankles would have been twisted and turned like dough at a pretzel-making convention.

ITEM 4 - HER ABILITY TO CLIMB AN OUT -SIDE LADDER TO THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IN A DRESS AND HIGH HEELS
There is snow on the ground and it is cold outside when King Kong is going on his rampage, and the girl is wearing a flimsy dress. If it was 35 degrees on the ground the temperature at 1250 feet would have been 14 degrees. There is no way she could have climbed that ladder and stood up there. Not even with a prolonged adrenaline rush. NO FREAKING WAY.

ITEM 5 - SHEAR WIND FORCE
The top of the Empire State Building was originally going to be used as a docking and refueling station for Zeppelins, but the force of the wind atop the building was too strong and gusty for blimps to dock safely. That being said I find it a little hard to believe that a 11O-pound woman in high heels would be able to stand atop the great building. The wind would have pushed her around like she was a nerd in a high-school football team's locker room. The wind speeds at the top of the Empire State Building are in the neighbor hood of 30 mph with gusts up 50 mph. The metal-plated tower on top of the building was planned as a zeppelin port but it was used for only one zeppelin landing because the winds were too strong at such heights making mooring dangerous. It is too windy for a zeppelin to port, but not too windy for a scantily-clad woman in high heels to jump around waving off incoming sopwith camels. Total total crap.

Again, I am okay with Giant apes, but I am not okay with a young woman being able to just stand unassisted on top of the empire state building.

And my final complaint: CLOSURE

There was none! ! !! Monkey Dies - Film Ends ... that was it!! !

There was this father-son, mentor/apprentice relationship between a salty dog sailor and a young stowaway. The mentor guy, who did everything he could to protect the young guy, got killed. And then there was no mention of what became of the kid. Did he leave the sea and get married and settle down? Did he himself become a crusty old seafarer? They made such a big deal out of this relationship and then it just ended.

The sea captain, who was a central character for about 90 minutes of the movie, is forgotten when they got back to New York.

Did the girl and the play writer get together and have kids and whatnot? Peter Jackson just left them kissing at the top of the Empire State Building. What happened to them?

Was there any criminal charges placed against Jack Black's character? He brings this ape to NYC and it goes on a killing rampage. I don't think he would get off scot-free.

All in all, I really disliked this movie.