Critmas 2k6

Christmas this year was awesome. We had Christmas with the Hollands on December 18. And we celebrated Christmas day with the Zimmerman clan on Christmas Day.

I was slightly disappointed to learn that the gift from my folks had not arrived in time for the Christmas Celebration, but that is cool. I figured my folks have a pretty good track record when it comes to really good gifts, that I could wait a little while.

Christo, Becky, and Taylor gave me The Office season 1 on DVD. (the u.s. version of The Office.) They also gave me the Langhorne Slim CD, When the Sun's Gone Down. I truly love it and since putting it in my mp3 player 2 weeks ago, i think i have listened to it about 15 times. LOVE THAT CD. (My only gripe about the cd is that the songs are too short. every song on it could be at least a minute longer.) On the song Loretta Lee Jones, Langhorne Slim mentions Lucy the elephant, from Margate N.J. I thought that was pretty cool and it brought a smile to my face to hear that line.

Reen and Mark got us silverware which we desperately needed. Our old collection of silverware was a hodge podge collection of utentsils with few matching designs. Our utensil drawer looked like a knife/fork/spoon representation of the United Nations. Sure, they are all utensils, and they all want to acheive a common goal, but they just don't look the same. When Amy asked Maureen how she knew we needed utensils, Maureen replied "I've eaten at your house." Touche.

After round one of gift giving, I had to say that Christo was in the lead for best gift yet. But there were still a lot of contenders eyeing the prestegious title of "BEST GIFT OF THE YEAR" award.

Joe and Tammy sent a package that we opened on Christmas Eve before going up to Shamokin. They got me a totally kick-ass Hard Rock Cafe Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. Yeah... I'm digging that shirt.

After round two, i am thinking that Joe may have moved into the lead.

Before cruising to Shamokin, we went up to Reading to see my folks. Well, they had my gift for me. They got me a new book by Woody Guthrie called Artworks. 335 pages of art by Woody. And, the icing on the cake, the book is signed by Nora Guthrie, Woody's daughter and director of the Woody Guthrie Archives. This book was well worth the wait.

After round three, Christo and Joe have been KO'd. Only Amy, Mom Z, and Fiona have a chance to take home the prize now.

Christmas Eve in Shamokin was spent riding four-wheelers with my nephew Randy and my brother-in-law, Jeff. We had a lot of fun riding around the coal banks of Shamokin. When I got back from riding, I was HORIFIED to learn that Amy had left my Christmas gifts in Lititz. No big deal, she brought Fiona's gifts, and that is really all that mattered.

On Christmas morning, I recieved the one gift amy did bring along - a really warm fleece bathrobe.

After 4 rounds, Mom and Dad are still in the lead. But Amy has gifts waiting for me at home!

We had a wonderful day at Mom Z's. Fiona loved opening her gifts and she seemed to really enjoy handing out the gifts as well. Someone told me that Christmas is a thousand times better when you have a kid of your own to share it with, and i have to say that is absolutely true. Fiona was so happy all day Christmas. She got a play barn with some little horses and cows. She played with that all morning. Mom Z made a wonderful Christmas turkey with all the fixings. There was plenty of cookies and treats. It was a truly wonderful day.

We got home to Lititz around 7:30 and I was given the rest of my gifts. Amy got me MacGyver season 3 on DVD - awesome. 22 more episodes of my favorite show of all time... only now that I am older and not as willing to suspend my disbelief, i find the show to be increadibly cheesy and impossible to make sense of. Half of the crap he does would never ever work. Never. BUT, that is what I love about it also. It is just fun to watch. And Connor loves it, so I can watch it with him and remember how much I loved it when I was younger. Amy also got me the new Born To Run box set. The box set comes with a dvd of Bruce's first concert in England. I am really looking forward to clearing out a little patch of time and watching it.

Fiona got me a book called You are My Miracle by Maryann Cusimano Love. I love it because it reminds me so much of me and Fiona. All of the pictures in it are of Christmas scenes, but i am thinking Fiona and I will be reading this book all year long. A lot of times when I am reading to her, she will try and flip the pages and turn ahead to the back of the book, but when I am reading You are my Miracle she just looks at the pictures.

Amy's generosity with the DVD and the Bruce Juice put her close to the top for the prize, but Fiona edged her out with the book. The book Fiona got for me was truly a gift that I will cherish forever. I am confident that for years to come I will be reading this book to Fiona.

At the end of 5 rounds, Mom & Dad and Fiona are both reaching for the brass ring. And when it comes down to it, I think I am going to give the prize to my precious darling angel. Fiona's book was the first gift I have received in years that brought a tear to my eye. Reading it with her for the first time on Christmas night was so special and is something I will remember for years to come.

Congratulations, Fiona, you are the Queen of Christmas. I hope you are able to also take home the Queen of Mike's Birthday prize as well.

King Kong - not my favorite movie of all time

Jason and I went to see King Kong and I was grossly disappointed.

My main complaints will be directed at Peter Jackson and the managers of the Fox movie theater.

The Fox movie theater ruined the first 50 minutes of the movie by allowing an infant into the theater. I left the theater to get a manager to come in and kick the people out. Which they did after about 15 more minutes of hearing the kid periodically cry and whine and moan. Question: what kind of stupid idiot brings an infant to a 3-hour movie that you know is going to be super-freaking loud???? Follow up question: why does the theater allow infants into the theater??? Let me guess... $$$$$??

Here is what I thought about the movie:

First and foremost I will start with the positives.

Jack Black was really awesome as the filmmaker. I am hoping that this is his first step in taking his acting to a more serious role. JB is hilarious and his constant buffoonery is hilarious, but he also seems to have the ability to do dramatic roles. The naysayers will nay say and say nay to the idea that he will be anything but a jokester who can't tackle acting like an adult. To which I will reply, "Tom Hanks." Tom Hanks was the king of buffoons ­Bosom Buddies, Bachelor Party, and The Money Pit. Now he is king of the serious actors with two best actor Oscars.

The Girl in the movie was very pretty.

The special effects were stunning. And the computer-generated animation was really neat.

Now I will get to all the crap that bugged me.

TOO FREAKING LONG.
3 hours, most of which was close up shots of the aforementioned pretty girl. I love close up shots of pretty girls, but when literally 20 minutes of the movie is spent on her, and on her and Kong looking lovingly into each other's eyes, it gets a little tired. Peter Jackson could have edited about 45 minutes of this movie and still had the same end results.

THE FIGHT SCENES
The fight scenes were way too long and drawn out. I know that fight scenes are always drawn out in all kinds of movies, and I just can't stand it. Whether is it Obi-Wan vs. Anakin, or King Kong vs. 3 T-Rex's, I can not stand long drawn-out fight scenes. And here is why: YOU KNOW BEFORE HAND WHO IS GOING TO WIN. Obviously, there is no way in heck that the t-rexes are going to kill King Kong. That would make for a very short and anti-climatic movie. Furthermore, you know that the girl is not going to be killed for the same reason. Duh!

THE DINOSAURS
When all the dinosaurs were chasing them, and the velicioraptors came out, all I could think was "yeah, I hated this movie the first time I saw it when it was called 'Jurassic Park.'"

WILLING SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF
I am willing to explore the coexistence of fantasy and reality. In this movie, we are expected to believe that there is an island and giant apes, and dinosaurs and human-sized yellow jackets. And we are expected to believe that mere humans, just like you and me, go to the island. The only things that exist outside the realm of reality are uncharted prehistoric island, the dinosaurs, King Kong and the other creatures that live on the island. Everything else is real, i.e. the depression, cars, humans, prohibition, etc etc etc. I am willing to suspend my disbelief IF some semblance of reality is maintained. Example: I am willing to accept for entertainment purposes that there is an uncharted island in the middle of the ocean. AND I am willing to believe that there are dinosaurs and 25' tall 2-ton gorillas living on the island. AND I am willing to believe that this gorilla is captured and brought back to New York City and subsequently goes on a rampage in the city etc. etc. etc.

I am not willing to accept that basic laws of nature including (1) the structural integrity of human bones and joints, (2) man's ability to run over uneven terrain in a rain forest environment, (3) a young woman's ability to run over uneven terrain in a rainforest environment WITH NO SHOES ON, (4) her ability to climb an out-side ladder to the top of the Empire State Building in a skirt and high heels and (5) her ability to stand unassited atop the Empire State Building because of the shear wind force at 1250'.

ITEM 1 - THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF HUMAN BONES AND JOINTS Fantasy - the giant ape carries the young woman through the jungle (I am okay with that.) and he RUNS through the jungle jostling her about like a rag doll and he fights 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexes tossing her from hand to hand and often holding and carrying her with his feet. (I am not okay with that). In reality her neck would have been snapped a dozen times, her arms would have been broken, her knees would have snapped and I am fairly positive dozens of her tendons would have ripped.

Giant Apes and dinosaurs clearly exist OUTSIDE the realm of reality, BUT the young woman in the movie is supposed to exist within the realm of reality. She is not a superhero or strong woman who can withstand the constant jarring and shaking of a 2-ton gorilla. I mean he shakes her like he’s a British nanny for twenty minutes and she has no neck pain?? There are plenty of lawyers who will tell you that a rear-end collision of less than 5 miles-per-hour would cause sustained neck damage.

ITEM 2 - MAN'S ABILITY TO RUN OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN IN A RAIN FOREST ENVRIONMENT
The adventurers in the movie are running from the dinosaurs and are able to run at all-out sprints over wet jagged rocks without slipping or falling. Anyone who has done any hiking or low-grade mounting climbing knows how hard it is to keep your footing on uneven terrain. The situation is further complicated when the ground is wet. Those guys would have been slipping and sliding falling all over the place like an octogenarian on a hockey rink.

ITEM 3 - A YOUNG WOMAN'S ABILITY TO RUN OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN IN A RAINFOREST ENVIRONMENT WITH NO SHOES ON
See above, but add the fact that she has no shoes on. Her feet would have been ripped to shreds like the accounting records at Enron and I am willing to bet her ankles would have been twisted and turned like dough at a pretzel-making convention.

ITEM 4 - HER ABILITY TO CLIMB AN OUT -SIDE LADDER TO THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IN A DRESS AND HIGH HEELS
There is snow on the ground and it is cold outside when King Kong is going on his rampage, and the girl is wearing a flimsy dress. If it was 35 degrees on the ground the temperature at 1250 feet would have been 14 degrees. There is no way she could have climbed that ladder and stood up there. Not even with a prolonged adrenaline rush. NO FREAKING WAY.

ITEM 5 - SHEAR WIND FORCE
The top of the Empire State Building was originally going to be used as a docking and refueling station for Zeppelins, but the force of the wind atop the building was too strong and gusty for blimps to dock safely. That being said I find it a little hard to believe that a 11O-pound woman in high heels would be able to stand atop the great building. The wind would have pushed her around like she was a nerd in a high-school football team's locker room. The wind speeds at the top of the Empire State Building are in the neighbor hood of 30 mph with gusts up 50 mph. The metal-plated tower on top of the building was planned as a zeppelin port but it was used for only one zeppelin landing because the winds were too strong at such heights making mooring dangerous. It is too windy for a zeppelin to port, but not too windy for a scantily-clad woman in high heels to jump around waving off incoming sopwith camels. Total total crap.

Again, I am okay with Giant apes, but I am not okay with a young woman being able to just stand unassisted on top of the empire state building.

And my final complaint: CLOSURE

There was none! ! !! Monkey Dies - Film Ends ... that was it!! !

There was this father-son, mentor/apprentice relationship between a salty dog sailor and a young stowaway. The mentor guy, who did everything he could to protect the young guy, got killed. And then there was no mention of what became of the kid. Did he leave the sea and get married and settle down? Did he himself become a crusty old seafarer? They made such a big deal out of this relationship and then it just ended.

The sea captain, who was a central character for about 90 minutes of the movie, is forgotten when they got back to New York.

Did the girl and the play writer get together and have kids and whatnot? Peter Jackson just left them kissing at the top of the Empire State Building. What happened to them?

Was there any criminal charges placed against Jack Black's character? He brings this ape to NYC and it goes on a killing rampage. I don't think he would get off scot-free.

All in all, I really disliked this movie.

TreeHuggers vs Russian Oil

History Lesson Part 1: The United States bought the 526,000 square miles that would later become Alaska from Russia on March 30, 1867. We paid $7.2 million. The purchase was conducted by Secretary of State William Seward and the purchase became known as "Seward's Folly" and (my favorite) "Seward's Icebox." We bought Alaska for it's abundant natural resources.

History Lesson Part 2: TreeHuggers are cowards who chose to engage in battles with enemies whom they know will not fight back.

The TreeHuggers are pissed off yet again about the potential destruction of the interior of Alaska. The Bush Administration wants to drill in the interior, but the TreeHuggers want to make sure that the not a single animal is harmed in any way whatsoever.

We bought Alaska for cheap fuel and we spent $8,000,000,000 to build an 800-mile pipeline to get that fuel down here to the Continental United States. I don't see any reason not to exploit the hell out of a piece of land that we bought for the implicit reason of exploiting. You buy things to use them. You don't buy a car to not drive it. You don't buy a house to not live in it. You don't buy a 526,000 square-mile oil reserve to not drill it.

The Russians have reserves of 60,000,000,000 barrels. The area from which this oil is drilled is in a similar climate to the interior of Alaska and supports the same wildlife.

The TreeHuggers are concerned about the animals that might lose their way of life if the oil rigs move in. But the TreeHuggers do not seem to care about the Russian Polar Bears, only the American Polar Bears. The TreeHuggers are not going door-to-door in Moscow trying to get people to write to their elected officials to shut down the oil rigs.

The TreeHuggers know that if they tried to make a stand in Russia the chances are pretty good that they would, in fact, be arrested and jailed and perhaps sent to Siberia where they would have a pretty good view of the oil rigs that got them in their predicament in the first place. No, the jackass TreeHuggers go door-to-door here in the USA because they know that they can be as stupid and obnoxious as they want be because they aren't actually breaking any laws. (This comes from a story on NPR's Marketplace about TreeHuggers that went door-to-door on Halloween to raise awareness about drilling in Alaska.)

So here is my solution to this problem: let's sell Alaska back to Russia with the caveat that we get oil in the ground for half price. Let Russia exploit the hell out of that land and let the stupid TreeHuggers cry and moan. Then when they come a-calling about the destruction of the interior of Alaska, we can all just blame it on those evil Godless Russians. We win, Russia wins, the TreeHuggers lose. YIPPEE!!!

Recap: TreeHuggers only care about American Animals, therefore they are racist xenophobes.

SPRINGSTEEN IN T-MINUS 12 DAYS

Here is a list of songs i want to hear.
I kept the list to 26 songs, because that is how many songs he has been performing per night on this tour.

1. Santa Ana
2. Zero and Blind Terry
3. Lost In The Flood
4. The Angel
5. For You
6. Incident on 57th Street
7. She's The One
8. The River
9. Point Blank
10. Atlantic City
11. Johnny 99
12. Be True
13. Reason To Believe
14. Used Cars
15. Nebraska
16. Highway Patrolman
17. Dancin' In The Dark
18. Human Touch
19. The Big Muddy
20. Youngstown
21. Lonesome Day
22. All The Way Home
23. Long Time Coming
24. The Hitter
25. Maria's Bed
26. All I'm Thinking About

alternates:

1. Wreck on the Highway
2. Stolen Car
3. ANY Woody Guthrie Song
4. ANY Bob Dylan Song
5. Darkness on the Edge of Town
6. Badlands!
7. Candy's Room!

Wish me luck.

Peace.

GWBush the Leader vs. GWBush the Christian

PROLOGUE:
This rant came about a few weeks ago when I sent Jason this picture and he and I engaged in an e-mail argument about whether or not GWBush is a good leader or a good Christian, and whether or not Jesus has a sense of humor concerning GWBush and tragedies like Katrina.

The whole "GWBush is a good Christian" thing has been bugging me for a long time, so I am glad that something got me to purge it from my system.

"IS GWBUSH A GOOD CHRISTIAN?"

I believe in a forgiving God and no, I do not profess to be a perfect Christian and yes - I meant to say "allowing" capital punishment. George W. Bush, as governor of Texas, allowed 152 executions. A true Christian would not have allowed ANY executions. I am not saying that any of the people were innocent, and I am not saying that they should have been freed and I am not saying that they shouldn't have been put in prison for the rest of their lives, but I am saying that a true Christian, like Gandhi or St. Francis or Padre Pio, would have forgiven these people. Jesus Christ refused to hate and refused to hurt anyone, no matter how bad they hurt him. George Bush doles out vengeance like it his birthright. And many will say that as the governor, he does, in fact, have the right to sign execution papers. As a governor, yes he does, but as a true Christian, he does not.

Christian politicians need to make a choice: Either be a Christian or be a politician, you can't do both. (Matthew 6:24: No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.) Because if you want to be a true Christian and use His name to get votes you must be prepared to accept the consequences of being a hypocrite. I just read Rick Santorum's book, "It Takes a Family." I liked a lot of his ideas and he is super-catholic. What I can't get, though, is the fact that he is such a freaking bigot against gays. [(Believe this or not) his book swayed me away from anything resembling a support of gay marriage... I am on the right side (pun intended) of the gay-marriage debate and I feel as though I have a moral high ground, and I kind of like it.] I don't mind that he doesn't endorse or even remotely support gays marriage, but his condemnation of gays themselves is what sends me over the edge... a Christian can not sit in judgment of anyone. (Yeah, that's easy for me to say as I write a diatribe about what a crummy Christian someone else is.) Jesus himself was friends with whores, adulterers, all the sinners you can name.

Also, a real tenant with true Christianity is the whole idea of helping those who have so much less than yourself - that is where the minimum wage argument comes in. [Minimum wage is a joke no matter how you look at it - even if Pennsylvania increases the minimum wage to something like 7.20 by 2007 that is a freaking joke - what the U.S. needs is a living wage. Besides most of the people working minimum-wage jobs are teenagers, summer workers, etc... I don't know anyone who works a real job job supporting their family on minimum wage. But all this is beside my real point here -] GWBush and his family are freaking rich rich. Like really really rich. AS Christians it is their duty and obligation to help the poor. I am not talking about a hand-out, more of a hand-up to use a tired cliché. St. Francis was just about as close as anyone will ever come to a second Jesus Christ... he gave away everything he owned and lived a life of poverty serving Jesus Christ. Padre Pio, who lived in Italy until 1968, was also a real Christian. He ate only a small meal every day, he felt that any more than he himself needed should be given to the less fortunate. One time, he had an appetite for Spaghetti, since it had been a long time since he had had it. He asked his friend to bring him some... he ate one bite and was overcome with guilt at being so gluttonous... he asked his friend to take the rest of the food to someone who needed it more than himself. I am not saying that GWBush should live the life of a cloistered monk or give away everything he owns or anything like that, I am saying this guy has piles of money sitting around and he could do a lot of good things with it. All of the people who worked in the ticket windows of Texas Ranger stadium - I bet they would have loved a small pay raise. Use some money to start after-school programs - inner-city rebuilding programs - habitat for humanity - peace corps - americorps - there are a billion things he could do to make the world a better place - not necessarily globally, but locally. Rick Santorum talks a lot about building "social capital," the idea that strong communities lead to better kids and that leads to a better future. Social Capital comes from people doing things together for the common good. I am not suggesting that GWBush (the private citizen) has the power to make social capital happen, but he does have the power $$$ to help start some programs to make it happen.

I would never profess to speak for God, of course, but I am pretty sure that he does not want GWBush or me or you or anyone to be unhappy. I don't think giving away everything I own is the answer. I like stuff. I think maybe God wants me to like my stuff. (I am not being sarcastic here: if He doesn't want us to like having stuff, why would so many things be available - like music and toys and the hunting camp and the Bruce Springsteen concert I am going to on November 8, 2005 (oooohhhh, yeaaaaah.)) But, the fire-and-brimstonites will say that that is the devil tempting you. Well, I will risk it. I am pretty sure that my luxuries (buying a moderate amount of cd's & dvd's, drinking too much coffee, going to 2 concerts a year, eating ben & jerry's every once in a while, and being a member of the camp) won't put me on the path to hell.


I also am not saying that I am a true Christian or that I know any true Christians. The number of TRUE TRUE Christians who ever lived is very small. I am thinking of Jesus himself, a very few saints, and as I mentioned before, Ghandi, who was not, in fact, Christian. (Some saints even, like Augustine and Joan of arc, while they loved God and Jesus very much, acted in anger and violence. Joan of Arc is a saint for acting for God... a suicide bomber is a murder for acting for his god. Joan of Arc was also condemned as a heretic later in her life because she refused to recant her stories of speaking with God. I never understood that - she is revered in battle because she is being led by the Holy Spirit and everyone loves her because she is kicking ass for France, but then when the war is over, she is put on trial for heresy because she allegedly spoke with God. And they would have let her go, too, if she would have said 'I didn't talk to God, I made it all up.' But because she stuck to her guns, they burned her at the stake. I never understood that "if you say you did it, we will lighten your sentence, but if you steadfastly deny you did it, then we will throw you in jail." If I didn't commit the crime and I am going to jail anyway, I might as well say I did it and get out early????? Don't Make No Sense.)

Anyway, my real beef here is with GWBush professing to be a super-Christian when I see so many things he does not being in line with the Christian faith.

Honestly, I do not think that all the things he does that bother me would bother me half as much if I didn't keep hearing about what a great Christian he is.

And don't get me wrong - I am not picking on GWBush - Washington is full of them - Clinton went to Church every Sunday and even prayed with Rev. Jesse Jackson who had a young woman knocked up in an adulterous affair WHILE he was praying for the soul of a man who was having an affair?????? Blind leading the blind. Strom Thurmond - Christian. And last but certainly not least - 1988 Presidential hopeful and leader of many thousands of blind sheep looking for the truth in the dark, 700 Club President and founder of the Christian Coalition - assination-promoter, Pat Robertson.

EPILOGUE
As I said a few times, there have been like 5 true Christians since the dawn of time. I am not one of them. I don't think you are either. And I don't think GWBush is either. Maybe we should all just try to be better people.

william bennet

William Bennet, author of the book "The Book of Virtues," today said: "... if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down."

What in the hell is wrong with this guy?

And to any naysayers who may try to nay say, let me say this: "THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT A COMMENT LIKE THAT CAN BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT."

This guy tried to be the moral compass of America.

peace
mph

BRUUUUUCE

Bruce Springsteen tickets go on sale in 49 minutes.

Wish me luck.

If I get tickets, I am going to take my dad with me. I am not asking him if he wants to go, I am telling him that he is going. Period.

I am sitting here nervously watching the clock... my heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, my fingers are all twitchy. I drank some coffee, but Amy suggested that i should probably drink a beer instead.

I remember the other times i got Bruce tickets:
Sleeping outside the mall with Manny in 1992.
Matthews calling me on the phone with FREE Bruce tickets in 1993.
Getting 4 tickets to a Meadowlands Arean show in 1999.
Going in to work to use the phones with the really really fast redial to call about 350 times to get tickets for the Boston Concert in 1999.
2003 - Jason and Kristin coming over and Jason and I looking on the internet to see what time tickets were going on sale and learning that there were tickets available already for the Giant Stadium concert- and then getting them.
A week later getting tickets for the Lincoln Financial Field concert.

By thunder those are some good memories... the minute i had the tickets in my hand, or at least knew that i was going to see Bruce, a sense of nervous calm fell over me... like all was going to be right with the world. No matter what hardships or problems would befall me in the next few days/weeks/months, there was always a light at the end of the tunnel - the light of Bruce.

I do not mean to tirvialize the religious experiences of pilgrims who travel to far away places in order to see sacred places or objects, but the six times i have seen Bruce were truly holy events that in some way changed my life either momentarly or permanently. After seeing Bruce from the front row and after he slapped my hand and after he looked at me and pointed at me, I felt as though that this truly was a sign that there is a God and that He wants me to be happy. I thought at that very moment when Bruce slapped my hand, that it was the pinnacle of my life. And, up to that moment, it was the apex of my 27 years. (That event has since been surpassed by my wedding day; and both of those events (concert and wedding) have been eclipsed by the birth of Fiona... indeed every single minute with Fiona far exceeds the front row concert.) I understand that Bruce is not a God or a Saint... he is just a man. But like God and religion, he is a constant in my life. When I look back over the last 20 years, the only things that have been there the entire time are: God, My Family, and Bruce. (Of course i now have amy and fiona to add to the list, but i am looking at a broad overview of my life from pre-adolescence to today.)

Anyway, my point is this: Bruce rules and he is awesome and I would love to see him again.

Wish me luck... i will post later.

peace
mph


UPDATE****************************

BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS

Bad news is that I will not be seeing Bruce Springsteen with my dad. I won't be seeing him with any of my family of friends for that matter, which leads me to my good news.

The good news is that I am going to see Bruce Springsteen on November 8 at the Spectrum. (The spectrum is, of course, where i first saw Bruce 13 years ago.) After failing to get a pair of tickets for the concert, i went back and tried to get one ticket... SUCCESS! I will be flying solo at a bruce springsteen concert. Some might see a person sitting by themselves at a concert and say "What a loser... he must not have any friends, and/or he is soooo increadibly obnoxious that no one would be seen in public with him." Or they might think - "Wow... that guy is super dedicated."

More good news - Because i ordered just one ticket, i got a pretty decent seat - i am in the front row of section 206... therefore i am in the front row behind the seats on the floor. literally 1 foot in front of me is the floor of the Spectrum.

I will add a post later with the songs I want to hear.

peace
mph

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson, leader of the Christian Coalition, says the United States should assisinate Hugo Chavez.

Where, exactly, in the New Testament does Jesus say we should kill people?

Sinead O'Connor

Sooooo.... Sinead O'Connor has released a reggae album now and says: "The teachings of Rastafari saved my life, and when someone saves your life the least you can do is give back."

So she gives back by recording a reggae album. A reggae album, which I can only assume, will be the worst reggae album of all time.

Let's have a little Sinead O'Connor history lesson, shall we?
She grew up Catholic in Ireland.
August 1990: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance
October 1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live.
April 1999: O'Connor takes a vow celibacy.
July 1999: After 3 months, she gives up her vow of celibacy.
"I lasted about three months," O'Connor admitted. "I tried. No thanks."
November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
2000: Declares herself a lesbian.
2001: Marries a man.
2003: Announces her retirement from music.
September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland.
2005: Becomes a Rastafarian and records a reggae album.

Okay, we have the facts in front of us.

One word comes to mind: Hypocrite.

Item 1: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance, something they do before every performance at the venue. O’Connor had an intense hatred for the United States for years that I never fully understood. Here is the one thing I do know: She sold a lot of records and played a lot of concerts here. So while she had a general disdain for the U.S. she didn’t have any moral dilemmas about taking so much American money back to Ireland with her.

Item 2: October 2,1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live. Of course, a few years later, she begged the Pope to forgive her. Way to stick to your guns, Sinead. You are a true rebel. Make a big bad bold statement when everyone is watching, but then cry for mercy when you realize the repercussions of your actions is the fact that you enraged the entire Christian community.

October 16, 1992: A mere 2 weeks after her SNL performance O’Connor returns to the US to sing at a Bob Dylan Tribute concert. She is booed of the stage and she cries and cries like a little baby. Way to make a statement, Sinead… you can dish it out to a frail old man who is half-way around the world, but when it comes back to bite you in the ass, you cry like a little bitch.

Item 3: Vow of Celibacy/Repeal of vow of celibacy: Again, you want to make a big bold statement that is going to shock the world: I AM CELIBATE. Like the fact that you aren’t having sex is going to change anyone’s life. You did for three months what literally hundreds of thousands of Priests, Nuns, Christian Monks, Buddhist Monks, and Hindu Monks do for their entire lives. If you want to emulate a monk and make a statement that people might listen to and which will truly make a difference in the world, then I suggest you set yourself on fire. Truly your actions will make people sit up and listen and the world will, undoubtedly, be a better place for your effort.

Also… celibate for 3 months? Three freaking months??? Give me a break. Ask any average Generation X loser, three months is nothing. And I’m not talking about actual sex here… I am talking about months and months and months without so much as kissing or hooking up at a party or even going on a single date. Three months… you freaking amateur.

I wonder who it was she slept with after her grueling 3 months… I can only assume he is blind.

Item 4: November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
I remember hearing this and thinking… oh yeah, this will last. Ha! What a joke. To become a Catholic Priest after all the things she said about the Catholic Church is an insult. And I would certainly like to meet the bozo who ordained her. Knowing her track record of flip-floppery, did you think she would actually stick to your zany version of Catholicism?

Item 5: 2000/2001: Declares herself a lesbian/Marries a man. I gotta say I saw this one coming. Another bold statement, another backslide.

Item 6: 2003: Announces her retirement from music. The one bold statement that I wished she would actually stick to.

Item 7: September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland. Damn, this shit is hilarious. Not only does she call for National Delousing Day in Ireland, but when the Irish press rips into her for being so wacky, she takes out a full page ad in the papers to defend herself. An ad in which she says “"If ye wrote about Bono like you wrote about me, he’d kick your asses.’’ Riiiiiiiight. You compare yourself to Bono. Bono is trying to end AIDS and Third-World Debt. AIDS is the number-one killer in Africa. Head lice is a minor inconvenience. AIDS is a problem that is going to take decades of diligent work to curb. Lice can be cured with RID shampoo in a matter of a week. Bono talks in front of the United Nations and to the leaders of the most powerful nations of the world. You talk to…well, you talk to the press when you have some big bad bold statement to make.

Item 7: Despite her announcement in 2003 that she is retiring from music, O’Connor records an album, a reggae album no less. I know very very little about reggae music and the Rastafarian religion. Almost all I know about came from an article in Rolling Stone about Bob Marley. Here is what I do know: Rastafari is a religion that rose from the impoverished ghettos of Jamaica by ex-slaves. One of the teachings of Rastafarian religion is that its members do not cut their hair and allow to naturally grow into dreadlocks. Marijuana is a sacrament.
Is Sinead O’Connor an impoverished ex-slave who lives in the ghettos?
And is the famed chrome-dome going to grow dreadlocks? OF COURSE NOT!!!! She’s only doing this Rasta thing for the publicity and to get her name in the news again… she’s not really a Rastafari. Here is my prediction: 2 years from now, Sinead makes a bold statement about the evils of marijuana, perhaps rip up a picture of Ras Tafari and insult all the real Rastafarians.

2007: Sinead O’Connor declares herself a devout Jew. And declares herself the first Female Rabbi.
2009: Sinead O’Connor takes a shit on the Wailing Wall to vindicate all the massacred fish that lost their lives when Moses split the red sea.

June 26, 2011: Sinead O’Connor changes her name to an unpronounceable symbol.
June 27, 2011: Sinead O’Connor realizes that that has been done already and changes her name back to Sinead O’Connor.

2012: Sinead O’Connor converts to Buddhism, declares herself the 15th Dalai Lama stating that clearly she is the chosen one considering that Buddhists shave their heads and her head is shaved. She is quoted in the news as saying, “Well, duh? You do the math; obviously I am the chosen one… I look just like they do
2013: Leaves Buddhism citing the fact that “Those people just don’t appreciate a good hamburger.”

All the while she is making all her changes, she continues to record truly awful music. Awful, horrible, tragic music that reached it’s agonizing crescendo with her 2010 album, “It ain’t easy being Greek,” an album of parodies of Sesame Street songs. The album is 12 songs filled with negative racial stereotypes. “The album is a juxtaposition of the innocence of childhood with the tragedies of racism,” O’Connor said, “If ye opened your wee little minds a tiny crack ye could see that ‘Drunken Mickey’ [set to the tune of ‘Rubber Ducky’] isn’t about a man on a bender… it’s about how the whole world views the Irish people. When I sing the lines “Drunken Mickey, loves his beer… drinking whisky, he has no fear…he never brushes his teeth… and he eats potatoes all the time,” I’m not making fun, I’m calling attention to the plight of the… the plight of the…well, it’s not really a plight, it’s more of a call to arms for the… uh… well, maybe more of a wake up call that… we need to… uh… stop being so hurtful. Yeah, that’s it!! We need to stop being so hurtful.”

Sometime in the distant future: Sinead O’Connor dies a very very lonely death and, per the detailed instructions in her will, asks all the major religions that she has spit on over the years to grant her forgiveness.

Pay Raises and Whatnot

So the Pennsylvania State Legislature voted themselves a 16% pay raise and, of course, people all across the commonwealth are pissed off.

The people who make the laws of this state deserve a pay raise every once in a while, don't you think?

Everyone want a pay raise every once in a while don't they? Why then, if everyone feels as though they deserve a pay raise, do they feel as though the legislators do not deserve a pay raise? Are people pissed because they feel like it is coming out of their pocket because it is taxes that pay for the pay raise?

This is the first pay raise in 10 years. In 1995, they voted to give themselves 70,000. Inflation in the past 10 years has far exceeded what what the legislators have given themselves as a pay raise. According to westegg.com, 70,000 in 1995 is the same as 87091.88 in 2005. So did the legislators give themselves a pay raise or have the been taking a gigantic pay cut every year for the past ten years?

Let's put this into some real perspective now: The Pennsylvania State Legislature is comprised of 250 people. 250 X $81,000 = $20,231,000. The total budget for the state of Pennsylvania is $24,300,000,000. The salary for the legislators is less than one-half of one-half of one-half of one-percent of the total budget. FURTHERMORE: the the difference between this year's salary and last year's salary comprises less than one-sixty-fourth of one-percent of the total budget. That is 0.01028%.

I know what you are thinking: Don't bore me with numbers. Give me something tangible to work with here.

Okay, here is something tangible: The entire Pennsylvania Legislature will earn $20,231,000 this year. The Pirates payroll is $38,133,000, the Sixers payroll is $63,757,853, the Steelers payroll is $77,955,021, the Phillies payroll is $95,337,908, and the Eagles payroll is $104,977,331. The Pirates, Phillies, and Sixers all suck. The Steelers are good, but can't seem to make it past the first round or two of the playoffs, and the Eagles just can pull the trigger when it comes to actually getting to, and then winning the Super Bowl.

Let's put some more perspective on it, shall we: The entire legislative body of Pennsylvania will have earned $7,460,667 LESS than the state's two highest paid athletes (Allen Iverson - $14,625,000 for the 2004-2005 season, and Jim Thome - $13,166,667 for the 2005 season).

The naysayers will say: But the legislators' salary comes out of MY taxes. My taxes don't pay for the sports teams' salaries.

You're right, our taxes don't pay for the sports teams, but we do pay, and I do mean WE because almost everyone I know owns at least one article of clothing or other piece of paraphanelia from at least one Pennsylvania Sports team. I can complain and complain until I am blue in the face that Allen Iverson gets paid way to much for what he does, but the other side of that coin is the fact that I own two Iverson jerseys, four Iverson bobbleheads, and an Iverson action figure, and have (over the past 4 years) bought 4 pair of Iverson sneakers. (In my defense: one pair was on sale, and two pair, the Iverson Questions, are my favorite type of sneakers ever. If they continued to make them, I would continue to buy them. Also in my defense, the three of the 4 bobbleheads were a gift from Christo.)

So when I hear some idiot at the convience store who is wearing a Phillies hat and has a Eagles bumper sticker on his car complaining about the pay raise of "those greedy bastards in Harrisburg" I'd like to ask him if he'd like to have his pay frozen for the next ten years. Whatever you make this year... and I will even throw in bonus and benefits... that is what you will get each and every year for the next ten years. THEN in July of 2015, when you are flat broke because you can't afford anything because you are so far behind the curve of inflation because the buying power of your salary has been weakened by 10 years of the steadily rising prices of food and gas and services and cars and movies and college and taxes and beer and basic necessities, when you ask for a 16% increase in your pay, then I am going to call you a greedy bastard for asking soooo much of a raise.

I think the legislature needs to enact a law where they get a pay raise every year, that way they don't have to deal with the crap of voting a pay raise for themselves. If they would get a 2 or 3 % cost-of-living increase each year, then they would never have to worry about idiots questioning their income.

Throughout the history of our nation, the people who have been elected have had the difficult task of paying themselves what they feel they are worth. And they have had to give themselves pay raises. If they never gave themselves pay raises, they would all be working for free. Like volunteers. Question: do you want a group of volunteers running the state government? I want volunteers working at the library and meals on wheels and at charity events and for scout troops. I don't want them running our government.

peace,
mph

That was no BIG SNOW, meerly a Blizzard.

I watched ABC's new reality series "Brat Camp" last night. The kids had to hike 10 miles through the desert and it was snowing.

The voice-over narrator person kept refering to the fact that the kids were walking through a "blizzard." He must have said it 5 times. Blizzard. Blizzard. Blizzard. After hiking 3 miles it looked like there was about 1 inch of snow on the ground, and after 5 miles, maybe an inch and a half. At one point, it looked like it had stopped snowing all together, (but i do realize that sometimes when filming precipitation doesn't really show on tv, so i won't argue that point) all i am saying is that it wasn't snowing all that hard.

HERE IS MY CONCERN: To truly have a blizzard, there has to be sustained winds of 35 mph for over 3 hours and the visibility has to be less than one-quarter of a mile. In watching the television program the snow was falling straight down... therefore, i don't think the wind was over 35... not even gusts of 35.

HERE IS MY REAL CONCERN: Crap like this only leads to the further dumbification of America. when we start refering to snow flurries as blizzards, it lessens the impact of a true blizzard. And it is going to cause our meterologists to make up new names for actual blizzards (or tornados or hurricanes, etc etc.) I am going to call this the Burger King Effect: there used to be Small, Medium, and Large sodey-pops. Then they got rid of Small and just had Medium, Large, and Extra-large. The smallest size is Medium and the medium size is Large. The trend line on something like that leads us to believe that in the future there will only be Extra-large, Extra-extra-large, and Extra-extra-extra-large.

By this hypothesis, a snow storm will be a Blizzard and i suppose a bilzzard will be a SuperBlizzard? Or will there be a new name for this natural event. My suggestions are as follows: "King Snowstorm" or "Annie, Get your Milk and Bread Storm."
Or, in an attempt to help foster the dumbification of America, I offer this gross oversimplifications of the event: "Big Snow."

Another concern: Changing definitions will water-down history. In the late 1870's a true blizzard of mamouth proportions killed millions of cattle in the midwest. Today's young scholars, thinking that a blizzard is hardly enough snow to even shut down school for the day, will be perplexed as to how cattle froze to death in a dusting of snow.

Here is what i really should do: watch zero tv.

yeah, right, like that would ever happen.

peace.

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

My Mom and Dad, along with Molly and Seamus, came to babysit Fiona so Amy and I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday and we really liked it. Johnny Depp is, by far and wide, the best actor to come from 21 Jump Street. He is also the best actor from our generation. who can come close?

typical to a tim burton film - the movie was visually pleasing. my only gripe comes with some of the dialog was a wee bit contrived.... that crap drives me nuts. There were a few lines that were hilarious and a few sight gags that made me laugh out loud.

overall - i loved the movie. i will probably get it on dvd when it comes out.

after the movie, amy and i went to Lancaster Brewing Company . I decided to do what i usually do at a place that brews it's own beer: i get a sampler. The little menu thing on the table had 5 beers and so i thought the sampler would have 5 little glasses of beer. Well well well... i was a little off base. LBC has 12 beers, of which i recieved a 5-oz sample of each. Yeeaaahhh.... all of a sudden there is 60 ounces of beer in front of me. Michael P. Holland from 10 years ago would have reveled in teh prospect of 60 ounces of beer to drink in short order. However the current version of Michael P. Holland (or MPH v33.0) looks at 60 ounces of beer and thinks: "ugh.... i don't want to get drunk in the middle of the day... i have stuff to do.... and i will be hung over tomorrow... and i will have a headache... and and and.... I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO BE DRUNK RIGHT NOW!!!" Anyway - i drank about half of the beer - most of which i found to be very tasty. Amy drove home, i was a little headachy, it rained so i didn't have to do any work at home, anyway. We rented the Will Smith/Doug Heffernan movie Hitch which was fun to watch, but was very very predictable and outlandishly contrived, but enjoyable none the less.

went to bed around 11:15 and slept until 10:00 sunday. all in all, saturday was a really really good day.