Sinead O'Connor

Sooooo.... Sinead O'Connor has released a reggae album now and says: "The teachings of Rastafari saved my life, and when someone saves your life the least you can do is give back."

So she gives back by recording a reggae album. A reggae album, which I can only assume, will be the worst reggae album of all time.

Let's have a little Sinead O'Connor history lesson, shall we?
She grew up Catholic in Ireland.
August 1990: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance
October 1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live.
April 1999: O'Connor takes a vow celibacy.
July 1999: After 3 months, she gives up her vow of celibacy.
"I lasted about three months," O'Connor admitted. "I tried. No thanks."
November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
2000: Declares herself a lesbian.
2001: Marries a man.
2003: Announces her retirement from music.
September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland.
2005: Becomes a Rastafarian and records a reggae album.

Okay, we have the facts in front of us.

One word comes to mind: Hypocrite.

Item 1: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance, something they do before every performance at the venue. O’Connor had an intense hatred for the United States for years that I never fully understood. Here is the one thing I do know: She sold a lot of records and played a lot of concerts here. So while she had a general disdain for the U.S. she didn’t have any moral dilemmas about taking so much American money back to Ireland with her.

Item 2: October 2,1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live. Of course, a few years later, she begged the Pope to forgive her. Way to stick to your guns, Sinead. You are a true rebel. Make a big bad bold statement when everyone is watching, but then cry for mercy when you realize the repercussions of your actions is the fact that you enraged the entire Christian community.

October 16, 1992: A mere 2 weeks after her SNL performance O’Connor returns to the US to sing at a Bob Dylan Tribute concert. She is booed of the stage and she cries and cries like a little baby. Way to make a statement, Sinead… you can dish it out to a frail old man who is half-way around the world, but when it comes back to bite you in the ass, you cry like a little bitch.

Item 3: Vow of Celibacy/Repeal of vow of celibacy: Again, you want to make a big bold statement that is going to shock the world: I AM CELIBATE. Like the fact that you aren’t having sex is going to change anyone’s life. You did for three months what literally hundreds of thousands of Priests, Nuns, Christian Monks, Buddhist Monks, and Hindu Monks do for their entire lives. If you want to emulate a monk and make a statement that people might listen to and which will truly make a difference in the world, then I suggest you set yourself on fire. Truly your actions will make people sit up and listen and the world will, undoubtedly, be a better place for your effort.

Also… celibate for 3 months? Three freaking months??? Give me a break. Ask any average Generation X loser, three months is nothing. And I’m not talking about actual sex here… I am talking about months and months and months without so much as kissing or hooking up at a party or even going on a single date. Three months… you freaking amateur.

I wonder who it was she slept with after her grueling 3 months… I can only assume he is blind.

Item 4: November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
I remember hearing this and thinking… oh yeah, this will last. Ha! What a joke. To become a Catholic Priest after all the things she said about the Catholic Church is an insult. And I would certainly like to meet the bozo who ordained her. Knowing her track record of flip-floppery, did you think she would actually stick to your zany version of Catholicism?

Item 5: 2000/2001: Declares herself a lesbian/Marries a man. I gotta say I saw this one coming. Another bold statement, another backslide.

Item 6: 2003: Announces her retirement from music. The one bold statement that I wished she would actually stick to.

Item 7: September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland. Damn, this shit is hilarious. Not only does she call for National Delousing Day in Ireland, but when the Irish press rips into her for being so wacky, she takes out a full page ad in the papers to defend herself. An ad in which she says “"If ye wrote about Bono like you wrote about me, he’d kick your asses.’’ Riiiiiiiight. You compare yourself to Bono. Bono is trying to end AIDS and Third-World Debt. AIDS is the number-one killer in Africa. Head lice is a minor inconvenience. AIDS is a problem that is going to take decades of diligent work to curb. Lice can be cured with RID shampoo in a matter of a week. Bono talks in front of the United Nations and to the leaders of the most powerful nations of the world. You talk to…well, you talk to the press when you have some big bad bold statement to make.

Item 7: Despite her announcement in 2003 that she is retiring from music, O’Connor records an album, a reggae album no less. I know very very little about reggae music and the Rastafarian religion. Almost all I know about came from an article in Rolling Stone about Bob Marley. Here is what I do know: Rastafari is a religion that rose from the impoverished ghettos of Jamaica by ex-slaves. One of the teachings of Rastafarian religion is that its members do not cut their hair and allow to naturally grow into dreadlocks. Marijuana is a sacrament.
Is Sinead O’Connor an impoverished ex-slave who lives in the ghettos?
And is the famed chrome-dome going to grow dreadlocks? OF COURSE NOT!!!! She’s only doing this Rasta thing for the publicity and to get her name in the news again… she’s not really a Rastafari. Here is my prediction: 2 years from now, Sinead makes a bold statement about the evils of marijuana, perhaps rip up a picture of Ras Tafari and insult all the real Rastafarians.

2007: Sinead O’Connor declares herself a devout Jew. And declares herself the first Female Rabbi.
2009: Sinead O’Connor takes a shit on the Wailing Wall to vindicate all the massacred fish that lost their lives when Moses split the red sea.

June 26, 2011: Sinead O’Connor changes her name to an unpronounceable symbol.
June 27, 2011: Sinead O’Connor realizes that that has been done already and changes her name back to Sinead O’Connor.

2012: Sinead O’Connor converts to Buddhism, declares herself the 15th Dalai Lama stating that clearly she is the chosen one considering that Buddhists shave their heads and her head is shaved. She is quoted in the news as saying, “Well, duh? You do the math; obviously I am the chosen one… I look just like they do
2013: Leaves Buddhism citing the fact that “Those people just don’t appreciate a good hamburger.”

All the while she is making all her changes, she continues to record truly awful music. Awful, horrible, tragic music that reached it’s agonizing crescendo with her 2010 album, “It ain’t easy being Greek,” an album of parodies of Sesame Street songs. The album is 12 songs filled with negative racial stereotypes. “The album is a juxtaposition of the innocence of childhood with the tragedies of racism,” O’Connor said, “If ye opened your wee little minds a tiny crack ye could see that ‘Drunken Mickey’ [set to the tune of ‘Rubber Ducky’] isn’t about a man on a bender… it’s about how the whole world views the Irish people. When I sing the lines “Drunken Mickey, loves his beer… drinking whisky, he has no fear…he never brushes his teeth… and he eats potatoes all the time,” I’m not making fun, I’m calling attention to the plight of the… the plight of the…well, it’s not really a plight, it’s more of a call to arms for the… uh… well, maybe more of a wake up call that… we need to… uh… stop being so hurtful. Yeah, that’s it!! We need to stop being so hurtful.”

Sometime in the distant future: Sinead O’Connor dies a very very lonely death and, per the detailed instructions in her will, asks all the major religions that she has spit on over the years to grant her forgiveness.