Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson, leader of the Christian Coalition, says the United States should assisinate Hugo Chavez.

Where, exactly, in the New Testament does Jesus say we should kill people?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Sinead O'Connor

Sooooo.... Sinead O'Connor has released a reggae album now and says: "The teachings of Rastafari saved my life, and when someone saves your life the least you can do is give back."

So she gives back by recording a reggae album. A reggae album, which I can only assume, will be the worst reggae album of all time.

Let's have a little Sinead O'Connor history lesson, shall we?
She grew up Catholic in Ireland.
August 1990: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance
October 1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live.
April 1999: O'Connor takes a vow celibacy.
July 1999: After 3 months, she gives up her vow of celibacy.
"I lasted about three months," O'Connor admitted. "I tried. No thanks."
November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
2000: Declares herself a lesbian.
2001: Marries a man.
2003: Announces her retirement from music.
September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland.
2005: Becomes a Rastafarian and records a reggae album.

Okay, we have the facts in front of us.

One word comes to mind: Hypocrite.

Item 1: Refuses to perform a concert in New Jersey because they played the U.S. National Anthem before her performance, something they do before every performance at the venue. O’Connor had an intense hatred for the United States for years that I never fully understood. Here is the one thing I do know: She sold a lot of records and played a lot of concerts here. So while she had a general disdain for the U.S. she didn’t have any moral dilemmas about taking so much American money back to Ireland with her.

Item 2: October 2,1992: O'Connor rips up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live. Of course, a few years later, she begged the Pope to forgive her. Way to stick to your guns, Sinead. You are a true rebel. Make a big bad bold statement when everyone is watching, but then cry for mercy when you realize the repercussions of your actions is the fact that you enraged the entire Christian community.

October 16, 1992: A mere 2 weeks after her SNL performance O’Connor returns to the US to sing at a Bob Dylan Tribute concert. She is booed of the stage and she cries and cries like a little baby. Way to make a statement, Sinead… you can dish it out to a frail old man who is half-way around the world, but when it comes back to bite you in the ass, you cry like a little bitch.

Item 3: Vow of Celibacy/Repeal of vow of celibacy: Again, you want to make a big bold statement that is going to shock the world: I AM CELIBATE. Like the fact that you aren’t having sex is going to change anyone’s life. You did for three months what literally hundreds of thousands of Priests, Nuns, Christian Monks, Buddhist Monks, and Hindu Monks do for their entire lives. If you want to emulate a monk and make a statement that people might listen to and which will truly make a difference in the world, then I suggest you set yourself on fire. Truly your actions will make people sit up and listen and the world will, undoubtedly, be a better place for your effort.

Also… celibate for 3 months? Three freaking months??? Give me a break. Ask any average Generation X loser, three months is nothing. And I’m not talking about actual sex here… I am talking about months and months and months without so much as kissing or hooking up at a party or even going on a single date. Three months… you freaking amateur.

I wonder who it was she slept with after her grueling 3 months… I can only assume he is blind.

Item 4: November 1999: O'Connor becomes a priestess of the Latin Tridentine Church, a maverick Catholic splinter creed. She takes the name Mother Bernadette Mary.
I remember hearing this and thinking… oh yeah, this will last. Ha! What a joke. To become a Catholic Priest after all the things she said about the Catholic Church is an insult. And I would certainly like to meet the bozo who ordained her. Knowing her track record of flip-floppery, did you think she would actually stick to your zany version of Catholicism?

Item 5: 2000/2001: Declares herself a lesbian/Marries a man. I gotta say I saw this one coming. Another bold statement, another backslide.

Item 6: 2003: Announces her retirement from music. The one bold statement that I wished she would actually stick to.

Item 7: September 2004: Calls for National Delousing Day in Ireland. Damn, this shit is hilarious. Not only does she call for National Delousing Day in Ireland, but when the Irish press rips into her for being so wacky, she takes out a full page ad in the papers to defend herself. An ad in which she says “"If ye wrote about Bono like you wrote about me, he’d kick your asses.’’ Riiiiiiiight. You compare yourself to Bono. Bono is trying to end AIDS and Third-World Debt. AIDS is the number-one killer in Africa. Head lice is a minor inconvenience. AIDS is a problem that is going to take decades of diligent work to curb. Lice can be cured with RID shampoo in a matter of a week. Bono talks in front of the United Nations and to the leaders of the most powerful nations of the world. You talk to…well, you talk to the press when you have some big bad bold statement to make.

Item 7: Despite her announcement in 2003 that she is retiring from music, O’Connor records an album, a reggae album no less. I know very very little about reggae music and the Rastafarian religion. Almost all I know about came from an article in Rolling Stone about Bob Marley. Here is what I do know: Rastafari is a religion that rose from the impoverished ghettos of Jamaica by ex-slaves. One of the teachings of Rastafarian religion is that its members do not cut their hair and allow to naturally grow into dreadlocks. Marijuana is a sacrament.
Is Sinead O’Connor an impoverished ex-slave who lives in the ghettos?
And is the famed chrome-dome going to grow dreadlocks? OF COURSE NOT!!!! She’s only doing this Rasta thing for the publicity and to get her name in the news again… she’s not really a Rastafari. Here is my prediction: 2 years from now, Sinead makes a bold statement about the evils of marijuana, perhaps rip up a picture of Ras Tafari and insult all the real Rastafarians.

2007: Sinead O’Connor declares herself a devout Jew. And declares herself the first Female Rabbi.
2009: Sinead O’Connor takes a shit on the Wailing Wall to vindicate all the massacred fish that lost their lives when Moses split the red sea.

June 26, 2011: Sinead O’Connor changes her name to an unpronounceable symbol.
June 27, 2011: Sinead O’Connor realizes that that has been done already and changes her name back to Sinead O’Connor.

2012: Sinead O’Connor converts to Buddhism, declares herself the 15th Dalai Lama stating that clearly she is the chosen one considering that Buddhists shave their heads and her head is shaved. She is quoted in the news as saying, “Well, duh? You do the math; obviously I am the chosen one… I look just like they do
2013: Leaves Buddhism citing the fact that “Those people just don’t appreciate a good hamburger.”

All the while she is making all her changes, she continues to record truly awful music. Awful, horrible, tragic music that reached it’s agonizing crescendo with her 2010 album, “It ain’t easy being Greek,” an album of parodies of Sesame Street songs. The album is 12 songs filled with negative racial stereotypes. “The album is a juxtaposition of the innocence of childhood with the tragedies of racism,” O’Connor said, “If ye opened your wee little minds a tiny crack ye could see that ‘Drunken Mickey’ [set to the tune of ‘Rubber Ducky’] isn’t about a man on a bender… it’s about how the whole world views the Irish people. When I sing the lines “Drunken Mickey, loves his beer… drinking whisky, he has no fear…he never brushes his teeth… and he eats potatoes all the time,” I’m not making fun, I’m calling attention to the plight of the… the plight of the…well, it’s not really a plight, it’s more of a call to arms for the… uh… well, maybe more of a wake up call that… we need to… uh… stop being so hurtful. Yeah, that’s it!! We need to stop being so hurtful.”

Sometime in the distant future: Sinead O’Connor dies a very very lonely death and, per the detailed instructions in her will, asks all the major religions that she has spit on over the years to grant her forgiveness.







Monday, August 01, 2005

Pay Raises and Whatnot

So the Pennsylvania State Legislature voted themselves a 16% pay raise and, of course, people all across the commonwealth are pissed off.

The people who make the laws of this state deserve a pay raise every once in a while, don't you think?

Everyone want a pay raise every once in a while don't they? Why then, if everyone feels as though they deserve a pay raise, do they feel as though the legislators do not deserve a pay raise? Are people pissed because they feel like it is coming out of their pocket because it is taxes that pay for the pay raise?

This is the first pay raise in 10 years. In 1995, they voted to give themselves 70,000. Inflation in the past 10 years has far exceeded what what the legislators have given themselves as a pay raise. According to westegg.com, 70,000 in 1995 is the same as 87091.88 in 2005. So did the legislators give themselves a pay raise or have the been taking a gigantic pay cut every year for the past ten years?

Let's put this into some real perspective now: The Pennsylvania State Legislature is comprised of 250 people. 250 X $81,000 = $20,231,000. The total budget for the state of Pennsylvania is $24,300,000,000. The salary for the legislators is less than one-half of one-half of one-half of one-percent of the total budget. FURTHERMORE: the the difference between this year's salary and last year's salary comprises less than one-sixty-fourth of one-percent of the total budget. That is 0.01028%.

I know what you are thinking: Don't bore me with numbers. Give me something tangible to work with here.

Okay, here is something tangible: The entire Pennsylvania Legislature will earn $20,231,000 this year. The Pirates payroll is $38,133,000, the Sixers payroll is $63,757,853, the Steelers payroll is $77,955,021, the Phillies payroll is $95,337,908, and the Eagles payroll is $104,977,331. The Pirates, Phillies, and Sixers all suck. The Steelers are good, but can't seem to make it past the first round or two of the playoffs, and the Eagles just can pull the trigger when it comes to actually getting to, and then winning the Super Bowl.

Let's put some more perspective on it, shall we: The entire legislative body of Pennsylvania will have earned $7,460,667 LESS than the state's two highest paid athletes (Allen Iverson - $14,625,000 for the 2004-2005 season, and Jim Thome - $13,166,667 for the 2005 season).

The naysayers will say: But the legislators' salary comes out of MY taxes. My taxes don't pay for the sports teams' salaries.

You're right, our taxes don't pay for the sports teams, but we do pay, and I do mean WE because almost everyone I know owns at least one article of clothing or other piece of paraphanelia from at least one Pennsylvania Sports team. I can complain and complain until I am blue in the face that Allen Iverson gets paid way to much for what he does, but the other side of that coin is the fact that I own two Iverson jerseys, four Iverson bobbleheads, and an Iverson action figure, and have (over the past 4 years) bought 4 pair of Iverson sneakers. (In my defense: one pair was on sale, and two pair, the Iverson Questions, are my favorite type of sneakers ever. If they continued to make them, I would continue to buy them. Also in my defense, the three of the 4 bobbleheads were a gift from Christo.)

So when I hear some idiot at the convience store who is wearing a Phillies hat and has a Eagles bumper sticker on his car complaining about the pay raise of "those greedy bastards in Harrisburg" I'd like to ask him if he'd like to have his pay frozen for the next ten years. Whatever you make this year... and I will even throw in bonus and benefits... that is what you will get each and every year for the next ten years. THEN in July of 2015, when you are flat broke because you can't afford anything because you are so far behind the curve of inflation because the buying power of your salary has been weakened by 10 years of the steadily rising prices of food and gas and services and cars and movies and college and taxes and beer and basic necessities, when you ask for a 16% increase in your pay, then I am going to call you a greedy bastard for asking soooo much of a raise.

I think the legislature needs to enact a law where they get a pay raise every year, that way they don't have to deal with the crap of voting a pay raise for themselves. If they would get a 2 or 3 % cost-of-living increase each year, then they would never have to worry about idiots questioning their income.

Throughout the history of our nation, the people who have been elected have had the difficult task of paying themselves what they feel they are worth. And they have had to give themselves pay raises. If they never gave themselves pay raises, they would all be working for free. Like volunteers. Question: do you want a group of volunteers running the state government? I want volunteers working at the library and meals on wheels and at charity events and for scout troops. I don't want them running our government.

peace,
mph