LISTVILLE: BABY NAMES

We are getting down to crunch time here. We are locked in on a girl name but are a little wishy-washy on boy names.

So I submit to you:
LIST OF POTENTIAL BABY NAMES THE POTENTIAL MALE HEIR TO THE MICHAEL P. HOLLAND THRONE
1. Cool Hand Luke Holland
2. Mr. Lukas War Hero Holland
3. Lucas Jackson Holland
4. Jason Greg Joe Smith Manny Dritsas Holland
5. Jason (Z not Crazy J) Holland [and that would be the spelling of the name with the parenthesis and all]
6. Good Hank Holland
7. Hud Holland
8. Hombre Holland
9. Fast Eddie Felson Holland
10. Okemah Holland
11. Big Mac Filet-o-fish Holland
12. CHEWBACCA! [the name would be spelled in all caps and the exclaimation point at the end of the name would be part of the name and we would forego a middle or last name.]
13. Theodore Roosevelt Holland
14. Stupid Flanders Holland
15. Simon Sez Holland
16. Jungleland Holland
17. Ahab Holland
18. Led Zeppelin III Holland
19. Oliver Boliver Butt Holland
20. Cool Hand Luke Skywalker Holland [two great tastes that taste great together]

Twin Names
1. Luke and Dragline Holland
2. Bruce and Clarence Holland
3. Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton Holland
4. Chase Utley and Ryan Howard Holland
5. Robert Plant and James Patrick Page Holland
6. R2-D2 and C3PO Holland

Triplets
1. Luke, Dragline, and Coco Holland
2. Vini, Ernest, and Max Holland
3. Bruce, Clarence, and Little Steven Holland

Quadruplets
1. Luke, Dragline, Coco, and Bobalougats Holland

Quintuplets
1. Jason, Gregg, Joe Smith, Dritsas, and Manny Holland
2. Luke, Hud, Hombre, Fast Eddie Felson, and Sullivan Holland

Nontuplets
1. Bruce, Clarence, Steven, Nils, Gary, Roy, Danny, Max, and Pat Holland
2. Then Boss, The Big Man, Little Steven, Nils doesn't have a nickname, Neither does Gary, The Professor, The Phantom, Mighty Max, and Red Holland

That is all for now
MPH

"Ch"

So Dritsas visited on Saturday and we were talking about the town he in which he grew up: Cheltenham.

He pronounced the 'ch' as if it was the same as the "ch" in church, or change.
I pronounced the 'ch" as if it was more like a "sh," Sheltenham.

He deemed himself correct on the pronunciation merely because he is from there, but I begged to differ and differ I did.

He threw out words such as church, chill, cheese, chap, cheeky, cherry, and challenge. As if he were challenging me to refute his claims of the correct pronunciation of Cheltenham.

I cheerfully came back with the following: Charlotte, Cheryl, Cherise, Chicago, and Champlain.

Please note that all the words I listed are proper nouns, implying that proper nouns of course, use the "sh" sound instead of the harsher "ch" sound.

Of course, I thought I had won the argument when I realized there are cities called Chester, Chattanooga, Charlestown, and Chickamauga. And of course there is a little country called China.

So I went on the internet and did some research and googled "Cheltenham Pronunciation." and that gave me a brief history of Cheltenham England. It also has an audio clip of how to pronounce "Cheltenham."

And so, as it turns out, Dritsas was correct.

But I am not done with the letter "c" just yet. I just want to say that I have always disliked the letter "c" because it is so wishy-washy. Not only can you use it as a "chuh" and "sh" sound, but it can also be used as a "k" sound as in Christopher, and chronology. It's like C is to much of a wimp to stand up for itself and say "this is how I sound."
I would like to add that all three of the sounds it makes can, in fact, be made by other letters.
Church could be respelled as jurj. Sound it out, it is practically the same.
Cheryl could be respelled as Sheryl.
And Christopher could be respelled as Kristopher.

Therefore, in the interest of simplisity, I move that all use of the letter "see" be halted immediately. Klearly, there is no further need for a kompletely usless konsonant in our vernakular. Wouldn't it be nise to have an alphabet with 25 letters. 25 is a square number, it is mathematikally pleasing to have 25 instead of 26 letters.

I am not asking you to throw away your keyboards in antisipation of the new 25-letter keyboards, obvioulsy it will take some time for the "Be Free of 'See'" movement to take off, but I am asking you to do your part. For example: if you send a Kristmas Kard to my brother and his family, write "Kristopher Holland and Family" on it.

That is all for now.
Pease.
Mikal Holland

P.S. I am not a krakpot.

three AWESOME things in one

Three AWESOME things
1. Jason Zecchinelli
2. Banjos
3. Star Wars

after further review...

yeah, you actually can see me and amy in that bruce clip.
i am the one in the front row pumping my fist in the air. and as it zooms in on Bruce when he is saying "Baby if you wanna be wild..." you can see me lean over and say something to amy.
Dude, i don't mean to brag, but I FREAKING RULE.

i can't sleep

Sometimes I wake up at 2 in the morning and I just can not get back to sleep. Right now is one of those times. I try to make good use of the time - working on non-essential projects like my proposed weekly calendar of my favorite comics, cleaning up my email folders, going to websites I visit only periodically (http://www.rachealdavis.com/) catching up on stupid videos on youtube (Len's Steal My Sunshine, Iverson "We talking 'bout practice" rant, freezing a bottle of corona) and filling out rebate forms for Verizon wireless and Ace hardware stores and updating the Buck Hollow Hunting Club blog with pictures and videos from our trip there this past weekend.

Usually my amnesiatic sojourns on the internet are just a way to pass the time and rarely mete out any kind of real enjoyment or produce anything of any real use to me. But today was different.

AS YOU MAY or may not know, I once sat in the front row at a Springsteen concert. YouTube has a video clip of Bruce singing "Candy's Room" from that concert. If you look really really close you can't really see me at all.

So my time spent on line today was not a total waste.

Peace

mph

Nona Comic

Weight Loss

As you may or may not remember, I often use the phrase "handsome and slender" to describe myself. Half of that, of course, is in jest. While I am (and have always been) devilishly handsome, I am not, in fact, slender.

But I did make a New Year's Resolution this year to drop a few (dozen) pounds. On January 1, 2007 I weighed 223 lbs. I think that is the most I have ever weighed, and If it wasn't, it was pretty close. With my wife, sister and father encouraging me I set a goal to get down to 195 by the time we went to the shore.

December 29, 2006

I joined the gym and Amy began to prepare healthier meals for me. She served me smaller portions and I made a rule for myself of no eating after 7:30 p.m. I also cut out alot of that crap that I shouldn't eat anyway - like doughnuts and Doritos.

I went to the gym and abused the treadmill, blasted my abs, and rocked my quads and tried to burn a billion calories before 7 am each day.

So the good news is that I did meet my goal. I weighed myself the day we left for the beach and am happy to report that I weighed 192.6 lbs. The bad news is that when I weighed myself today when we got home from the beach and I weigh 195.8. I suppose adding 3 lbs during vacation is nothing to complain about.

June 22, 2007

So now I have a new goal - 175 by Thanksgiving. Actually I should make that 172 by Thanksgiving and 175 by the day after Thanksgiving.

Reading Phillies

Last night Mom, Dad, Maureen, Andrew, Amy, Fiona and I went to see the Reading Phillies. It was a beautiful night for baseball.

The Phillie Phanatic was there. (For some reason Fiona calls him "Mickey.") Fiona loves watching him drive around on his four-wheeler.

Before the game began, Andrew was sitting on my lap and Fiona was sitting on Amy's lap and we were on the Fan-o-vision. In my 30 years of going to Phillies games, both Reading and Philadelphia, and the various other pro games I have been to (Montreal, Boston, Baltimore) I have never been on the Fan-o-vision. I guess having two adorable little kids with you helps your odds.

And, the piece-de-resistance, we got our picture on the Reading Phillies Fan Photo Gallery. The people in front of us were there for a birthday party and their photo was taken. As you can see in this photo Dad, Amy, Fiona, Me, Mom, Maureen and a very obscured Andrew are sitting behind the people who are supposed to be in the photo.

Weekend at the Cabin

Fiona, Dad, Larry, and I went to the Cabin this weekend. Dad finally caught Mr. Big, the Brown Trout that has been his nemisis for 3 years.


Click here for a link to the Buck Hollow Hunting Club blog for more pictures and video of the dramatic catch.

Dad, Me, and Fiona with the Tigger Rod and Mr. Big

We also visited Fiona's Christmas tree. She had been hoping that there would be gifts under it.

Fiona did really great all weekend, she didn't seem the least big homesick and was a little angel the whole time.

I am looking forward to our next trip to the cabin.

Phillies

Fiona, My Dad, Joe and I went to see the Phillies last week. It was a lot of fun. The weather was perfect, the food was great and the Phillies won.



Here are some pictures Fiona took:

Self Portrait
Fiona's Dad Pop-Pop

Another Self PortraitI just love this picture for some reason.



We had a great day!

one more reason why i love Fiona

Yesterday I got home from work and I was carrying my mp3 player. Fiona asked me if she could listen to it. I turned the volume down and put it on her ears. I had been listening to Synchronicity by the Police. She listened to it for a minute and then looked at me and said, "Can I listen to Bruce?"

Unfortunately, there is currently no Bruce in my mp3 player, so I said to her "I'm sorry, there's no Bruce in there right now... but thank you so much for asking."

Fiona has a unique way of making my day.

catching up on a couple of things

Not much exciting going on lately, just looking forward to summer. Joe and Tammy and Ava are coming in 17 days and we are looking forward to that. Joe and I are planning a day trip to Gettysburg and Dad, Fiona, Joe and I are giong to see the Phillies. Then we have memorial day weekend. Two short weeks later, we go to the beach. A couple of weeks after that, Chris and I are going to see the Police. Then the baby comes to town. Then football season starts. Then the Phillies win the World Series.

Also, I am looking forward to Shrek the Third, and the new Pirates of the Carribean movie.

Here is a video of Fiona performing her latest trick:

Fiona at ChocolateWorld.

Fiona with Samantha and Sara

Beatles Pictures

So i read that a bunch of beatles pictures were accidentally thrown away. Apparently over 450 pictures were thrown out.

how will our children know what the beatles looked like since there will now only be tens of thousands of pictures of the beatles left.

Fiona's New Tricycle

About 2 months ago, we made a deal with Fiona. We told her that if she started going to the potty, we would buy her a tricycle. She really really worked hard and in the past 2 months she has only had two or three accidents.

So on Monday, we went on line to search for a tricycle for her and today it was delivered. After dinner Fiona and I put it together and took it for a spin around the block.

another great comic from Michael P. Holland

State Quarters or Mike's Lamest Blog Topic to Date

I am not collecting the US Mint's state quarters, but I do enjoy seeing the designs when they come out. And for a long time I thought Vermont's design was the best because of it's simplicity. Other quarters have come along that are neat, but none matches Vermont.

Because I am obsessed with ranking things, I will here rank the five worst quarters and then rank the five best quarters.

Five Worst Quarters:

5. ALABAMA

Alabama has a picture of Helen Keller on theirs. Alabama became a state in 1819 and in the 184 years between their statehood and the release of thier quarter the only decent thing to come from their state was a deaf, blind woman?? I have nothing against Helen Keller, but is she the only thing Alabama has to be proud of? Well, maybe I just answered my own question.

4. NEW HAMPSHIRE

New Hampshire has a picture of the old man of the mountain natural rock formation. Natural rock formations that look like things never really do it for me because it is just a fluke. Now if it was a natural rock formation that actually looked like someone, like Abe Lincoln or Stevie Wonder, then that would be cool, but just a random outcropping of rock that looks kind of like a man's face - eh, not that impressive. Further more, it looks more like the rock 'em-sock 'em robots guy than a real person. Incidentally, this rock formation was destroyed in a rock slide in May of 2003. To their credit, New Hampshire did put their state logo, which is arguable the best state logo ever, on their coin: Live Free of Die. That sounds like it should be the name of a Metallica song, but in reality, it is the name of a song by Sun Volt.

3. FLORIDA

Florida went with a "three iconic images from our state" approach, but left off the most iconic images of thier state: Mickey Mouse, Retirees, and Cocaine Smugglers.







2. TEXAS

An out line of the state with a star? This was the best you could come up with. For all of Texas' "We're the biggest state in the lower 48" and "Don't Mess with Texas" talk, they sure did come up one steaming pile of buffalo dung for their quarter. 159 years of history including, but not limited to: the home of Sam Houston, birthplace of Jack Johnson, Stephen Austin, Buddy Holly, Richard Petty, Willie Nelson, Scott and Janis Joplin, and Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, home of Bonnie and Clyde, 5-time Super Bowl Champ Dallas Cowboys. And of course, you have THE ALAMO!!!! Only one of the most iconic forts not just in American History, but in the History of all time. You have all that stuff and you go with and you settle on an outline of the state and a star?? If Texans are dumb enough to overlook all that history and put out this crappy quarter, it is easy to see how they the Bush family has been able to stay in power there so long. Yeah, you heard me.


THE WORST QUARTER OF ALL:
OHIO

Ohio has the worst quarter to date. What is so wrong with their quarter? They did not put anything on their quarter that has anything to do with their state. They put the Wright Brother's plane on it. Everyone in the world associates the Wright Brothers with North Carolina, and in fact, North Carolina put the Wright Brother's plane on their quarter a full 2 years before Ohio's quarter was issued. And they put a picture of an astronaut on their coin. Again, when you think of America's space program, you think of Florida where the space ships launch from, and you think of Houston. When there is a snafu occuring, people don't mockingly state "Cleveland, we have a problem," they say "Houston, we have a problem." Furthermore, the even state on their coin that nothing ever happened there, but people who did make things happen were born there. Birthplace of Aviation Pioneers... big freaking deal. The wright brothers and John Glenn were born there. Yeah; Who cares? It doesn't matter where someone is born, it is where they are raised and nurtured that matters. Maybe if Ohio didn't suck so much the Wright Brothers and john Glenn would have stayed.

FIVE BEST QUARTERS

5. WISCONSIN
Wisconsin went with the "Three iconic images from our state" motif and, unlike Florida, I think it works. Here is why: Wisconsin isn't a real flashy and or showy state. They do what they do and they are good at it. They don't rely on a lot of razz-a-matazz like Florida to get the job done. So when you think of Wisconsin, you generally think of cows and cheese, with the obvious exception of the Green Bay Packers. And as much as I like Brett Favre, I really don't think he should be on a coin.




4.TENNESEE


Tennesee really did a great job of simplfying. Much like Wisconsin, one specific thing comes to mind when you thing of Tennesee: music. So they played on that and kept it simple and put out a really nice looking coin. Only thing I would have changed: get rid of the trumpet and add a banjo.

3. CONNECTICUT

No flash for Connecticut, just a picture of a beautiful White Oak which was known as the Charter Oak because that particular tree played an important role in the state's history. The White Oak, incidentally, is connecticut's state tree.

2. SOUTH DAKOTA

South Dakota's quarter is awesome for several reasons. First, there is not a lot that comes to mind when thinking of South Dakota other than Mt. Rushmore. They could have put out a Mt. Rushmore-only quarter and been completly lame, but they decided to add the piece de resistance and put on their coin the coolest bird in the world, the ring-necked pheasant. And because they went with their state icon, Mt. Rushmore, they were able to put a picture of Theodore Roosevelt on their coin. Kudos to you, South Dakota, Teddy Roosevelt and a ring-necked pheasant. Take off Thomas Jefferson and you would have had the best coin ever in the history of mankind.

1. VERMONT


Just a nice looking quarter, wouldn't you say? A crusty old Vermonter tapping a couple of trees on a cold Frebruary morning in the shadow of Camel's Hump. I think it states the simplicity with which a lot of Vermonters live their lives. Again, Vermont didn't need to go with flash and gusto to show the attributs of the state. They didn't put skiiers or images of the naval history of Lake Champlain on their quarter... just a regular fellow tapping his trees to make some syrup. Vermont rules.




That is all for me today.
Take care.

St. Patrick's Day t-shirt

ahoy ahoy.

As you may or may not know, every year Old Navy puts out a St. Patrick's Day t-shirt.

Here you see the t-shirt they put out this year.

I am not a huge fan of Old Navy, but I am a huge fan of St. Patrick and Old Navy sells these cool t-shirts each year for only $5.00. And so I buy one each year.

So last year, a few days before St. Patrick's Day, was was rockin' my Old Navy St. Patrick's Day t-shirt and I went to get my morning coffee.

There is this girl who worked at the coffee shop that I go to who never once said "hello" or "good morning" or "have a good day" to me. She used to be all chatty Cathy with her young, cool-looking young male friends, but not with me. Maybe he never said anything more than "what can i get for you?" and "that's a dollar, forty-eight" to me because I am old and square and have a real job and am married. I don't really care if she doesn't want to have a conversation with me, but a little common courtesy when I am paying way too much for coffee would be nice. "Hi, how are you today?" or "Take it easy," is all I am asking for. All the other people who work there say hello to and exchange pleasantries with me, but not this girl. She always seemed to have this attitude of "I am young and cool and I am only going to talk to young cool people."

So I have established that with the exception of coffee-related queries, she has never said anything to me at all, ever.

So I go walking into the coffee shop with my St. Patrick's day t-shirt on and she is behind the counter and is chatting with some of the aforementioned young, cool friends. I walk up to the counter and ask for a small coffee. She looks at my shirt and says to me "did you know that St. Patrick was actually Roman and not Irish?"

She says it loud enough for her friends to hear and her tone seemed to me to imply that:

1.) She was telling me something that I obviously didn't know.

2.) I was a mindless drone who thinks St. Patrick's day is a made-up holiday fueled by Guinness and is just an excuse to go out and get loaded.

3.) I was into kitschy, holiday-related crap and I should have also been wearing a button that said "Kiss Me I'm Irish."

I looked up at her and considered telling her that I had fairly recently finished reading the second of 2 biographies of St. Patrick. And that I read those "Lives of Saints" books all good Catholic kids get for First Communion and Confirmation. I also considered telling her that he feared that a sin he committed when he was young was so horrible that he would be sent to Hell. I was going to tell her that he once calmed a pack of hungry, barking dogs that threatened to expose him as a runaway slave. I also thought that it might be appropriate to mention that the reason he was so successful in bringing Christianity to Ireland was because he had found a way to integrate Catholic religious ceremonies with the Pagan traditions without compromising the teachings of Jesus or offending the Pagan priests.

I also considered saying "Yes, I actually did know that." But i decided I wanted her and her friends to know what an idiot I thought she was.

So after she said, "Did you know that St. Patrick was actually Roman and not Irish" I said:

"Yeah, no crap." as if to imply that everyone in the whole wide world knew it and that she wasn't actually teaching me anything.

I know that not everyone knows that he was Roman, but that didn't matter.

She always made me feel like she was doing me some gigantic favor by pouring 12 oz of hot liquid into a cup. And she always made me feel like i should feel priviledged that she took the 30 seconds out of her work day to give me her coffee.

And I always really hated the fact that she was the only person who has ever worked there that never once said anything nice to me, but did not hesitate for a second to say "good morning" and "how are you" to the young college-aged people that came in.

And for that matter, it felt really good to kind of say something that had a "why don't you shut the hell up and give me my freaking coffee" feel to it.

But it is not my place to put someone else down mo matter how they may make me feel, so in retrosepct, I feel bad for having said that to her and subsequently feeling good about saying it.

St. Patrick did not become a saint by putting people down, he became a saint by helping people. Therefore I should have instead prayed for her and asked God to help give me the strength to not mind that this person wasn't nice to me.

After the St. Partick's Day t-shirt incident, she went back to never speaking to me at all and a few months later she quit working there.

Crayola

Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street used to show a video of the Crayola factory that was really neat. Everytime I saw that video I thought it would be really cool to go to the factory and see it for real.

Yesterday, Fiona, Amy and I went to the Crayola Factory in Easton, PA. It was a lot of fun. There was a ton of cool stuff to see there and Fiona loved all of it.






Nona with the world's Largest Crayon.

Nona all plumb-tuckered out!!

The only downer on the day: The only place to eat there was a McDonalds. Since it was a Friday in Lent, I was actually looking forward to a Filet o Fish sandwich, but when we got to the counter and asked for one, the lady said to me, "we don't sell fish here." D'oh. I ate half of Amy's french fries, a chewy granola bar, and a gigantic Root Beer.

Fiona Comic

So wise at such a young age!!

ADDENDUM AND APOLOGIES

In my last blog entry, I chronicled all the concerts I have seen with my family. And apparently I forgot a few concerts I have seen with loved ones.

***IN MY DEFENSE: I did say "There is a fairly concise list of the concerts I have been to with family members."

Here are the comments I received:

Mark said: Hello? Rolling Stone in Philly y'all!
Maureen then said: Yeah, what he said!!! You obviously don't remember we were at The Rolling Stones concert at the Vet..also known as your wedding present to us!!! OR our double-date with you & your Mommy!
And then Aunt Louise said: what am I tinsel?Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band in NJ.Did you think that your family does not read your blog?!?I still love you! xo W

Holy Crap I feel bad. I can't remember the last time I ruffled so many feathers in such a short time.

So, just as an update:

I saw The Rolling Stones in Philly not only with my Mommy, but also with Maureen and Mark.

And I saw the Boss in New Jersey not only with my Mommy and Amy, but also with Aunt Louise. AND, Louise and I both failed to remember her graduation gift to me: She took me to see Michael Penn at the Mann Music Center in Philly. Holla that!

Here is a picture of my mom and Louise rockin' with the Boss.

And it had been well documented in Smokin' Dog that Aunt Louise has been very important to my musical development. She got me tickets to see Billy Joel (the first concert I ever went to.) She also got me tickets to see Tin Machine at the Tower (12th row). She took me to see Michael Penn and she got me Bruce Springsteen's autograph. Louise also saw the Rolling Stones when they were only in their 40's. I think she saw Bowie on the Serious Moonlight tour, and I know for a fact that she saw Bruce before I was even a fan.

It should also be noted that while I was at Penn State, my buddies and I had an insatiable thirst for Ballantine Ale. It was somthing that my buddies and I thought was the coolest not only for it's purity, body, and flavor, but also because no one else drank it and no one else seemed to know what it was EXCEPT for old guys... and that was old school and that was super cool. Ballantine became something of a icon for us and to this day it holds a special place in my heart.

I know what you are thinking "Mke, you are handsome and slender, where are you going with this Ballantine line of dialog?" Well, it was my Aunt Louise who introduced us to Ballantine one fateful evening in the fall of 1993.

To surmise: Aunt Louise is the coolest.
Therefore... I offer my heartfelt apologies to Aunt Louise.



Peace.
MPH